When I wrote the last 3 parts of this series, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew this was a touchy subject, especially the first part. I had heard from many men who were upset particularly about my quoting of the “half plus seven” rule. I want to state that while this says ‘rule’ as part of it, you can make your choice to date who you like. As long as the girl is 18, have a great time. I’ll also reiterate what I said before, be realistic about your goals. All of the information I had there was targeted at people who are looking for something serious, and if you want to believe that age doesn’t make a difference in the success, you can. I won’t quote stats or anything else.
The Frustration is Real
But for those of us who are looking for something more substantial, where are we supposed to go now? I’ve heard some of the pitfalls of what men and women who move here have gone through in search of a relationship here in Medellin. This city is not one that is conducive to finding lasting love, there is a new danger for those looking for love lurking around every corner here. There is a feeling that if you are looking for a partnership here, you are almost seen as weak, a sucker, a mark or a target. This is the case for men and women alike here.
So what to do? Go to bars or clubs to look for someone? I think we’ve eliminated that one. Go to the gym? If you are a man and hit on a woman at the gym here, you had better have a VERY creative way to stand out, because here in Medellin, the gym is a runway show, and you will quickly be labeled a gym creep if you don’t navigate this well. I hate to tell you this, but that label carries considerably more consequences than it did last year. Most expats don’t work in offices, so that eliminates a chunk of the organic ways to meet high-value potential partners, so what should you do?
Matchmaking is back
I’m ready to trigger some egos – if you are looking for someone serious here, you have to have more than money or the name on the front of your passport. You need to have substance, you’ll need to have a way to make your personality shine here. If you don’t speak Spanish, you are holding yourself back. You don’t have to speak it perfectly, but have a willingness to learn goes such a long way. I told the fellas this before, and I got pushback. I mean how important is communication really? You have a translator and WhatsApp, there is no chance that important things will get lost in translation, right? If you’ve seen these poor unfortunate guys having the most awkward conversation in public with a woman via Google Translate, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
If you want to avoid this, you can check your ego, and think outside the box. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over and expect different results. If you have kept trying the same things over and over here and want different results, you don’t need to be a genius physicist to realize something needs to change. Since you’ve already checked your ego, you can try something that I’m sure is way outside your comfort zone, and I’m sure is going to make you cringe a bit – if you want to meet a quality partner, you may want to try a matchmaking service.
I can hear your collective groans… Now I hear your ego taking over, and saying you don’t need a matchmaker, that’s for old people and losers, right? No. Let’s face it, if you’ve been single for a while, statistics show that most single men have not been in a serious relationship for years, the same goes for women. If you are not having success finding a partner in the clubs, or bars or wherever people tend to meet people here, this is an option.
I had a very good conversation with Cristina Proveda who is the owner of Generando Conexiones, and is the premier matchmaker in Medellin. She has a community of 48,000 followers, 25,000 contacts and more than 5,000 profiles registered for her personalized service. She has a very long track record of success in this field, and she does this a little differently than the Tinder or Bumble algorithm does.
The first and most important part is that she is selective with who she works with. While this does leave some feeling jaded and left out, it does allow her to focus on her clients desires. The second part is that she has every client, male and female, fill out an extensive personality assessment and application to determine who is the best fit for them. She has a database of over 30,000 eligible singles, which helps her to match people on a deeper level than just physical attraction.
Another very important element of her business is that she holds singles events, both virtual and in-person. The in-person events are a great chance to not only meet new people who share the same interests and goals as you, but also do something fun while doing so. These events have recently included a trip to the planetarium, bowling, and bachata lessons. If you are looking for someone to build something meaningful with, this is the perfect starting point for this. I would recommend that if you are interested in Christina’s services, you should reach out to her via Whatsapp at +573127771097 or you can find her on Instagram and Facebook at @generadoconexiones she is bilingual and the privacy and discretion of her clients are incredibly important to her.
Get Setup By Friends
There is nothing more powerful than social proofing to start a relationship. If your friends like both of you and think that you’ll like each other, then you’re already 2 steps ahead. This one has inherent risks though, because if things go poorly, you have a chance of ruining your friendship, so you have to be careful with this one. I always tell people to be as honest as possible in all things romance and matters of the heart, but this is paramount for this manner of meeting someone. Don’t take the opportunity to hurt the other person, but be honest with them. If you don’t feel the romantic spark, be upfront. Chances are that if you have mutual friends, you’ll vibe on the friendship level, and let’s be honest, true friendship is hard to find.
Language Exchanges
This one I used to use as a shining beacon to meet people on the same curiosity and intellectual level as you. However these have become meet (or meat) markets and have been infiltrated by people looking for a foreigner to achieve their goals with, and that rarely has anything to do with learning the other language. Personally, I would recommend staying away from them. If you want to meet a quantity of people, this is a great place to go, but generally speaking, relationships are based on quality, and sadly the quality has dipped.
Meet Someone Out and About
This will require a bit of courage and charisma. For me, this has been the most successful way to meet people, yes there will be rejections, but this is just a part of life and if you want to meet someone and fear rejection, you’re not going to get far unless you start talking to people. As previously stated, there are some places that are expert level for trying to attract a potential mate, such as the gym. I will admit, I had a gym crush. Most people who frequent the gym do whether or not they want to admit it. My gym crush is very shy, so I knew that I had to come up with a creative way to show her interest, while not being brash. I did, and we talk whenever I see her there. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out, because she is only in Medellin a few days out of every month, but had I went up to her and tried to force a conversation it would have died fast. We have become friends, sharing memes and jokes. You have to come up with something that fits you to start the conversation.
Even in other situations, you’ll need to come up with something that stands out. If you are interested in this person, chances are that there is a long line of others that are too, so stand out. It’s on you to be creative on this. I can’t teach you how to do that, sorry. Guys who teach dating courses here tend to really mess that up. I’ll just say this, courage, curiosity and a dash of charisma will go a long way here. Don’t be afraid to talk to people in public, however, I need to put all callouts possible on this – READ THE ROOM. If you’re in public and someone has headphones on, don’t bother them unless you have made strong eye contact. Also, I can’t believe I have to say this, but I do, if someone says no, then accept it. I have never heard of an instance where someone has been debated into love, it always has the opposite effect.
Good Ol’ Serendipity
I genuinely debated talking about my last relationship here, and I won’t get into specifics, but she was the last person in the world I would have ever thought of dating. My dating history has been all Latinas. I live in a city with some of the most beautiful latinas in the world, and I dated a light brown haired caucasian woman. So many of my friends laughed at me for how preposterous that sounds. But, having dated her, I will say that I started to listen more to my intuition and I now believe that vibe/flow are the most important thing. Your physical “type” is wildly overrated.
I only bring this up because I believe serendipity is the best way to meet your person. When you feel it, make it known, but this will require patience, and if there is one thing people looking for love and a partner don’t want to exercise is patience. There is a true epidemic of lonely people out there. Too many people seek external validation, and that is a lonely endeavor. Dating apps have warped the dating game, social media has made us compare ourselves to others to an unhealthy degree, and OnlyFans/Webcam, etc has put the final nail in the coffin of traditional dating. Now way too many people, men and women alike have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating, and that just makes everyone more lonely and frustrated..
Going the route of serendipity takes patience, and most people don’t have this. You will never be happy in a relationship if you are miserable alone. All you’re doing is transferring your misery to someone else. If you want to attract someone who gets you, and you just vibe perfectly with, be the best version of yourself possible. As the definition of serendipity states, it happens when you least expect it. Serendipity is a strong, weird thing, but it can’t be rushed.
Final Words
I’m no expert. I never claimed to be. I started this series as a curiosity, and to address a glaring issue here. But there are many things I learned from researching this series. The first and most important thing is that you have to be honest with yourself about what you want. You are literally driving in the dark with no headlights without this. The second thing is that if you want to be taken seriously, you have to be the person that is attractive to your soulmate. Chances are that means you will have a hobby and interests. Also ambition is attractive as well.
Guys, if you don’t want to be seen as an ATM, you have to have more going on than just your wallet. Take dance classes, play futbol 5, go to a cooking class – get out of your comfort zone. Ladies, let serendipity take it’s course. Talk to people, and if serendipity presents itself, pursue it. There is love to be found here, just be open to it not being skin deep here. Yes, physical attraction is incredibly important, but if you make it everything, that will be all you have, which never lasts. Stay strong out there ladies and gentlemen. I’m rooting for you.
